Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
