did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
