I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
