I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
