the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
