I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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