I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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