my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
