FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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