i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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