Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
