In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
