yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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