She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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