I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
