I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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