My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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