alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
