I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
