I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
