you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
