I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
third nipple confirmed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
