I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
