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• (512): View more from Texas

  hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  youre going to kill that woman one of these days

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?

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• (914): View more from New York

  He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...

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• (310): View more from California

  we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.

  (239): View more from Florida

  that is the opposite of a normal text message.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here

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• (830): View more from Texas

  So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?

  (1-830): View more from Texas

  Jeans and a nice top.

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• (951): View more from California

  Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that

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