i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
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I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.