I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.