bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.