hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that