whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.