and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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