i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
whose parrot is this?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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