Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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