sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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