you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
