Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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