good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
