Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
