i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
