this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
