Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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