I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
