Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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