Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
