dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
