The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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