I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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