just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
