Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
