i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
