pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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