he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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