i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
