You work out of a Hotel?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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