Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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