There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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