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we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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