Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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