You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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