shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
