I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
