I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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