I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
