don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
