There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
