Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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