i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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