May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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