Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
