I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
