he wants to bone in the snuggie
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
