he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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