I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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