Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
