just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
