you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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