Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
