And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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