Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
