just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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