He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
